You Can't Say You Don't Love Me, Just Say You Don't Love Me Anymore

There comes a time when you realize that things are over for good. It is hard hearing the words, but they must be said. I told him that I didn't love him anymore, and that I am not physically attracted to him anymore, that I haven't for awhile and I know it hurt him hearing that from me. I then said the WORST thing of all. I told him that I loved him as friends. In which he didn't take it too well. He says if there is love there, can't we build off from that friendship base?

No, we can't. He killed everything good I ever felt of my marriage by being irresponsible and not taking the kids and I into consideration in anything he's done. He says he has, but recently been disconnected by bills, finances, job, depression, my parents, my health, his wanting Pot and alcohol that he can't afford, or he gets it free for awhile and then withdrawls and no sex. He got mad and said I was frigid the last year, no sex over 7 months, no blow jobs in 4 months, and that has put extra stress on him.

What I am dealing with, is bar none, the most hardest thing I can possibly think of besides death of a love one. In a way, it feels like death, worse than death, becaues I lost my daughter, but she is still alive. She is alive, but I can't just go up to her and hug her, or tell her I love her. I can't contact her. She is HERE but she is GONE. She is NOT dead, but she is dangling in front of my memory. She is on this planet, other people can enjoy her company. I can't. She don't love me anymore.

I don't have anybody to love me, besides my kids and well, my parents, if they actually love me, I guess in their own crazy controlling way they do. I want to be loved. I am at the bottom of the bottom and I can say I wish I had someone to hold me and love me and just hold me for hours and hours, maybe fall asleep in the warm shelter of someones arms, and protect me. I don't have that. I don't have a husband, especially one capible of holding me. He never did. He wasn't that type of person. I knew that, and thought I could make him change. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE SOMEONE!!! It blows up in your face. You try so hard, that it kills anything you have left anyway.

Here is a song that I play over and over again right now. Music, even sad and depressing kinds, are therapeutic for me. I will listen to this and dedicate it to my daughter and my soon to be ex husband and hopefully be able to move on with the rest of my day.
PS: Social Worker was kinda mean to me today. She told me she was tired of my excuses and that I STILL KEEP PLAYING THE VICTIM. Where the hell do they find these people?? I want to cry and get it out, and listen to this music and she tells me it's victim talk. I am not doing anything to resolve my situation that I should be online looking for ways other than listening to sad music and wish Hannah back. She isn't coming back, at least not now and I am doing nothing to help myself. I am the VICTIM. FUCK HER!!! So here's my song........... (it's short)

You can say all things must end
You can smile and even pretend
And you can turn and walk away so easily
But you can't say you don't love me anymore

You can dream of what might have been
You can cry for what won't pass again
And you can say there's every reason you should leave
But you can't say you don't love me anymore

You can say I'm right, you're wrong
You can make your plans
To find somebody else
But I can't believe you can carry on
We know what should be said
But you can't find the words instead

You say all things must end
You can smile and even pretend
And you can turn and say
You're leaving me for good
But you can't say you don't love me

Just say you don't love me anymore