Uncertainty In My Life!

Religion: Does God exist? Many agnostics believe that certain knowledge is impossible in religious matters. Whatever evidence might be for or against the existence of God, both God's existence and God's non-existence remain conceivable. So what does it mean to me? I believed all my life, until my life kept getting worse. I could easily say that God is giving me tougher lessons to learn to get into heaven or He just abandoned me or He just doesn't exist. I DO NOT like the last one, because it goes so much against my Catholic upbringing. But I am confused as to what to believe anymore. I am burnt out. Going to church isn't beneficial to me anymore. It's the longest hour of my Sunday. I feel like I am a demon in church, cause I feel uncomfortable in there. Maybe I need an exorcism.? Maybe I am really evil deep down and that is why I am sick all the time and depressed, and having the worst luck and worse things happening to me, to get paid back for something I've done? Maybe I have a nasty demon that is attached to me and I need to get it removed. Would I feel better about church? Will I feel there is a God? Spiritually, I feel dead inside and I know that is a bad place to be.

 

 

Love: I am having issues of whether love exists and what it really is? I know there are all types of love. Romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love, religious love, familial love, Some say that love is lust and that we become attached to people. Some say love is when you don't want to be away from your "special someone" Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause.. such as Intimacy, Commitment and Passion. and the ancient proverb said it's a high form of tolerance. Love is also compatibility. I am still on the fence with this love stuff but I am beginning to feel something sparking me that scares me, just based on these examples. I believe people love you in different ways such as a boyfriend loves you differently than a brother or son, because they need something DIFFERENT from you. It goes back to attachment and what you are getting from that person and vise versa. We need people, we label it love.

 

 

Future: I don't know what the future hold. None of us do. But we always base our future on past experiences and what has happened before, means it will happen again, right? Yes and No!!!!! I can't look into the future without some sort of panic. Right now, I got it going hour for hour and maybe into the night. I can handle that. Tomorrow is scary in a way. But, I am going to say something hypocritical and say, that if tomorrow has something good that will happen, then I will look forward to it. If I have nothing planned, then why bother with uncertainty.

 

 

Family: My family is my family. I didn't have a chance to choose them, I can only choose my friends, which end up feeling more like family to me. I can't trust anyone in my family. My SIL called the school Guidance Counselor and reported her concerns about my children and my parenting skills and my ex's lack of parenting skills which leaves me in hot water. She wouldn't mind taking temporary custody of her Goddaughter. My parents do and say the most whacked out things. I don't trust my family, and it's hard to trust my friends, especially when I am not as important to them as they are to me. So family and relationships are scary for me. What is for certain?

 

 

Death is certain for me, so is paying taxes, so is paying bills and having to breath and eat and poo and pee. These are certain. Nothing else is certain. I need to get out and start trusting people, but on my terms.

Nothing is certain!!!!!!!