Scientists highlight the mental and physical clues that tell us we're in love.
Your heart beats faster. You can hear your blood pulsing in your veins. Every time he even looks at you, you feel a burst of energy. Could it be? Are you in love?That our bodies send us signals that tell us "this guy could be a keeper," is no big surprise. But how does this work exactly? Is it something we do subconsciously? Do our brains and bodies really tell us when we're in love? We asked a couple scientists to sound in—here they've given us five physical signs you're in love:
1. You Catch Yourself Staring
"What's that song…'it's in his eyes'?" asks Dr. Lucy Brown, neuroscientist and professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. "I don't think that's the title, but that's what it should be." Dr. Brown, who has studied neural basis of emotion, says the eyes are what matters most. When you're in love, you involuntarily cannot keep your eyes off of the object of your affection. Humans naturally find eye contact rewarding. Not only that, but we're physically compelled to pursue eye contact with our romantic interests.
"One of the involuntary manifestations of being in love is 'mooning around' the person, having your eyes constantly fixed on a person," says Dr. Brown. 10 Signs He's Smitten
Anya says "Yeah, I'm guilty of this. I stare at him all the time. He's beautiful, I mean, he looks perfect to me, he smells perfect to me and never wears cologne, I could stare at him all day, and his eyes are stunning. I catch myself starring way too much and he notices too, kinda calls me out on in by starring back but he does it to make me feel uncomfortable, I think, by mirroring me. I could be wrong here, but I think that is it"
2. You Feel High
When you realize you've been hyperactively talking about your new beau, you might think you've had too much caffeine. It's actually a different drug.
"Being in love is like being high on cocaine," according to Dr. Brown. Many of the physical symptoms are the same: increased energy, increased heart rate and blood pressure (especially when you see the person), and the inability to sleep or eat are just a few. Feelings of euphoria also appear with cocaine use, as they do when in love. These symptoms occur because, while the brain produces dopamine on its own, it produces even more when in love. The brain also produces more of the chemical norepinephrine when we're in love, speeding up the heart when we're nervous, as we might be upon seeing our beloved.
Anya says "Wow, Again, these scientists have me pegged!!! But is he my cocaine? He feels like a drug to me. I got all the signs above. I must be doomed or VERY addicted to him. Either way, it's the start of my demise. I can see it now in the newpaper headline " Local Area Woman Dies From Overdose From Love Chemical Addiction Dopamine from Local Area Man." Subtitle "Be careful when approaching him because of his charm, sexual energy and extreme good looks. He may not be armed with an "actual" gun but he's dangerous" LOL
3. You Can't Keep Your Hands Off Each OtherYou won't just be seeking your beau visually. Just as you hunt down food when hungry, you'll actively engage in proximity-seeking behavior when you're in love. This explains why grade-school flirtation often involves pushing or hair-pulling. When in love, we can't resist the urge touch our beloved (luckily, we learn how to do this in more polite and pleasing manners later in life).
Dr. Bianca Acevedo, Visiting Scientist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, says when we're in love, our bodies will subconsciously lean toward each other, a physical manifestation of the brain's desire for emotional closeness. Have you caught yourself wiggling closer to your lover?
Anya says" Yes, I have, although I haven't had the urge to push or pull his hair. LOL OK, you got me, I want to be next to him, so close, almost like being inside him. I sit closer to him, I want to touch him, hold his hand, touch his face. I just want to cuddle close to him and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like he's a special comfy blanket of all the right DNA, Cells and Chemicals.
4. You Can't Stop Thinking About Him...
With the increased dopamine levels of romantic love, people think about their romantic interests, on average, 85 percent of the day. This is known as "intrusive thinking."
According to Dr. Brown, "In the early stages of romantic love, most people can't stop thinking about their beloved. The other person becomes an obsession," and will occupy their thoughts for what may seem like an extreme amount of time. But it's really quite normal. In fact, Brown says "If it is less than 40 percent, then it is not really intense romantic love." The level of obsession, while normal if in love, is often compared to that of obsessive-compulsive disorder. When patients undergo treatment for OCD, they're provided with serotonin reuptake inhibitors to ease their obsessions. Because of this, scientists figure that the decrease in the brain's normal serotonin levels causes similar behaviors when in love.
Anya Says " Well then, maybe I need to increase my serotonin cause I think of him ALL THE TIME!!! So now I have OCDMA???? Well he's being very intrusive! But I am guilty of liking it. I like thinking about him. He makes me happy and I can cope better with day to day stresses and he motivates me. So, it's a good thing (I think) It's nice to see that I am 100% NORMAL!!!!!!
4. ...And Only HimAccording to Dr. Brown, when we seek a mate with romantic love in mind, we'd prefer the relationship to be long-lasting. This means we have strong feelings of romantic love for just one person. Conversely, feelings of lust are less about a specific person than they are for sex itself. When it comes to lust, the preferred relationship could be significantly shorter.
According to a 2002 study in which Brown participated ("Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment," published in Archives of Sexual Behavior), if a person is really "in love" with his or her partner, desire for emotional union will take precedence over desire for sex. The study also concluded that we seek sexual exclusivity with this one person because we innately hope for uninterrupted courtship and reproduction.
"Love is a survival system, like being hungry or being thirsty," Dr. Brown says. Our bodies seek love (with the goal of reproducing) just as they seek out food or water. Therefore, love for one person is more like a reflex. 15 Signs You're Meant To Be
Anya says " OK, I am NOT interested in reproducing. Although secretly, and with shame and guilt, I have BRIEFLY thought that if we had procreated say, if I met him in the "past" past, we'd have an amazing looking, talented kid. But that is just stupid girl thinking. I get what this Dr. Brown is saying. I would say that I am 35/65 percent into Lust/Love if this man is correct. I, 40 % want to experience a sexual bonding with him, whereas, 65% of the time, I am happy to just cuddle and rub each others arm or leg or back. I could fall asleep in his arms. But, what I don't agree about with Dr. Brown, is that if you want to have sex with someone, it's lust and if you don't it's love. If I read that correctly? Isn't it kinda both at once, should it be 50/50? I don't know, but he's on to something and I'm guilty.
Writer's Note: While people won't die without love, as they would without food or water, Dr. Brown says studies have shown that people in relationships live longer; they also tend to be healthier and have a greater sense of well-being. The love of friends and family is also important and can even occasionally substitute for romantic love. However, the kind of love we seek depends very much on our hormonal status, what our bodies need at a certain moment in time.
Anya Says I say this Dr. Brown is a genious. I also believe that people have "hormonal" I call chemical combinations that attract the other person to them, almost what each is lacking the other has and the chemical compatibility is stronger, like a atom or correct DNA coming together in a human body (NOT sexually speaking) People are made for certain people I think and when it's done right, and not just for lust, it has the opportunity to last. BUT, outside influences also ruin that chemical make-up, changing it and therefore crashing the DNA combind strands and the whole thing comes crashing down. Which sucks!!!
But Remember, It Doesn't Last Forever
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), the heightened emotions and general euphoria brought on by romantic love eventually fade.
"You can't keep it up forever or you'll never get anything done!" laughs Dr. Brown. "It's too intense to last. Even the most intense romantic love doesn't last more than six months." But don't worry. As feelings of intense romantic love wane, feelings of attachment develop and that's what keeps people together for the long run.
"You can have just 'attachment' but it's better for the couple if there's romantic love at the start. People stay together because they remember the warm, positive feelings of having that original, romantic love." This way, a couple won't just "stay together for the kids"; they will stay together for each other. That attachment is then transferred to their offspring. So love itself doesn't necessarily diminish. It just evolves.
Anya Says "OK, this is VERY true. STBE and I had LUST, I mean, sex from the start of knowing him. It was crazy, it was all we did, we were bound to get pregnant at the rate we were going. With the relationship I am currently speaking of, there is no sex, just cuddling and closeness (at least on my part) that is 100% different than with STBE. Maybe that is a good thing or bad thing? I am not living in a fairie tale world and I know that feelings wane down, but I am not one to roam either. But I am not even looking to settle down with somebody. I just fell for my closest friend. I think that is what will keep this friendship together for as long as he allows it. I'm not going anywhere. If by chance we ever got intimate, I am strong enough to still remain friends even if it stopped. If what this Dr Brown says is true, than I already developed some sort of attachment to this guy. Brown calls it love, I am still on the fence but definately swaying towards Browns side. He makes sense and I can't mess with science.
Despite all the signs and science, though, if you're in love, you're in love. Even Dr. Brown agrees: "You know when it happens."
THAT.................. I GOT IT BAD!!!!! :-(
Thank you YourTango.com for taking me from the dark into the light... I HATE YOU!!!! My innocence is ruined! grrrrrr!!!!
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