WHO CAN I TRUST???????????

Today, was a hard day. Daughter #1 came over for some money, in exchange for working for me, by making workout CD's, or yard work in the future, or cleaning. Just so she can have some money on her. She didn't stay long, she said hello and goodbye to my parents. Soon To Be Ex was NOT happy about it. It was the start of him being angry at me.

We went to church, I made breakfast for dinner, everyone was happy. Then I worked out as we watched movies Drive and The Help, and Real Steel. I got on the computer, and nobody told me (STBE=Soon To Be Ex) never told me he was downloading a movie and burning it to disc. I disconnected the laptop and he FLIPPED OUT!!!!! My Dad didn't like the way he was talking to me. STBE slammed the french doors and I begged my Dad not to go after him. The freaking drama. We have poor communication in this house. Nobody talks to anybody in this house.....kids don't do it, STBE don't do it. It seems I tell everyone way too much, even when I am about to sit on the Porcelain Throne. I talk too much!!! No one appreciates me and I feel defeated. Maybe I should stop communicating too? That's not me though. I can't be vindictive, or mean, nor can I be disrespectful. I am feeling so sad right now, and defeated. I don't like being talked to in angry tones, like I am stupid, or always doing something wrong, or always being the object of people's anger. Maybe I make people feel full of rage? Maybe I AM just stupid? I can't take this mental abuse. I am sick of this feeling, so worthless, so sad, so depressed. I worked out good today, because I need to burn off all this pent up energy. I need some relief. I need someone I can trust. I am not trusting anybody right now. Who can I trust?

WHO CAN I TRUST?  I need a tangible person to trust in. I need someone I can rely on, even if for only half the time. I feel like cutting again, but I am being strong. I haven't cut since 8 days ago. The wound I inflicted on myself, is still oozing. I am on antibiotics for Strep, so I assume that my wound isn't infected, just oozing.

WHO CAN I TRUST? When I can't even trust myself!

WHO CAN I TRUST??????????????????