The Splendor of Spicing Up My Blog

I am going to start a new project. Wednesday and Friday's are going to be exciting days. Instead of crying in my sorrow over my divorce, I am going to make a couple days very fun creatively. Friday, will be a called "Frisky Friday" where I will write all my fantasy's down. Maybe one day, I will be able to write that they actually came true? Obviously, no one will know with who :-) Wednesday, is Hump Day, and I will be writing Hump Day Tips, too get ready for Friday's fantasy's. This should be interesting. The rest of the week I will try to get creative but I am running out of ideas to write about and don't want to boo-hoo over my current relationship status. I'd appreciate if you give me ideas in the comment section below.

I also got a few dating applications for anyone interested in dating me. I am VERY picky, I haven't been on the market in over 20 years!!!!! I am not enthusiatic about going out into the "jungle" and will be screening all my potentials. LOL HaHa!!! Did you think I was actually serious? HMMMM, Maybe I am. LOL So I am adding the 3 of them here. Feel free to submit to answer or just laugh your ass off, like I am doing right now. Sometimes, you just have to have a little fun in this world.

Dating Application

Introduction

This is version 1.0 of the dating application. Please fill out as completely as possible. Do not use a #2 pencil on the multiple choice questions, as you're likely to destroy your monitor. There is no time limit on this test, but be aware that you will be graded on the amount of time it takes you to complete the application. You will be given an opportunity to comment on the application before you submit it. Good luck!

Personal Information

Name?

Email address?

Birthdate? (mm/dd/yyyy)

Gender? Male (sorry, mandatory)

Birthplace/Hometown?

Current Address:1234 Any Street Anytown, AS 00000

Professional Information

Occupation?

Years at current job?

Educational Information

Are you currently going to College?
Yes
No

If yes, name of school:

Level of school completed?
Kindergarten
Elementary
Junior High
High School
High School Equivalency (GED)
Some College
Associate/2 Year Degree
Bachelors Degree
Masters Degree
Doctorate
Truck Driving School
Sally Struther's Learn At Home
McUniversity

Field of study:

Qualification Questions

1. How many states are there in the United States of America?
   • Did you include Puerto Rico?
     Yes
     No
     Remind me to ask you why you're even asking this question!
     
   • Did you include Cuba?
     Yes
     No
     OK, now you're scaring me!
     
   • Did you include Botswana?
     Yes
     No
     While it doesn't belong, it is an interesting place!
   
   
2. Is "funner" a word?
   Yes If yes, please use it in a sentence:
   No
   
   
3. Why do you want to apply?
   I find you very attractive
   You seem interesting
   You're funny, even though looks aren't everything
   I've evaluated many possibilities and you seem to have the best genetic makeup
   I've heard you're good in the sack
   I'm a masochist
   Other, please explain:
   
   
4. What I find most attractive is:
   Your HOT body
   Your BIG brain
   Your BIG, um, chest!
   Your perpetual state of happiness and optimism
   Your self-confidence
   Your sense of humor
   Your tongue
   Your personal hygiene
   Nothing, really, just looking for someone I can use and then throw away like used dishwater
   Other, please explain:
   
   
5. How soon would you like to go out?
   Today
   Tonight
   Tomorrow
   This weekend, I can't go out on worknights
   How 'bout we just stay in *wink*
   When it works with MY schedule
   Never, how's that suit ya?
   Other, please explain:
   
   
6. How intelligent are you?
   I can breathe
   I voted for Nader
   I'm average
   I'm above average for my age
   I'm a genius
   I'm fluent in Esperanto AND Latin
   I can beat you at Trivial Pursuit
   I can beat you up
   I've got a big dick
   Other, please explain:
   
   
7. How emotionally healthy are you?
   I just want to be loved
   I'm emotionally stable
   The voices tell me I'm just fine
   I stopped wetting my bed a few months ago
   I'm looney
   The medication is working
   It isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you!
   I've got a big dick
   Other, please explain:
   
   
8. How do you rate your physical appearance?
   I'm ugly
   I'm average
   I'm cute
   I'm hot
   I'm a BGM
   I'll turn you to stone when you look into my eyes
   Beyond your reach
   I've got a big dick
   Other, please explain:
   
   
9. What should we do on our first date?
   Lunch
   Dinner
   Breakfast (well, that's really towards the end of our first date)
   Movie
   Shopping
   Rent movies
   Rent a room
   People-watch at the airport, the mall, county jail
   Concert
   Concerto, I'm cultured!
   Get drunk
   As if I'd go out with you after reading the preceding list of ideas
   Other, please explain:
   
   
10. What's your favorite cuisine?
    American (burgers, fries and a coke)
    Italian
    Mexican/Southwestern
    Steak & Chops
    Asian
    Vegan
    Chick-fil-a
    Krispy Kremes
    Seafood
    Jarrod's my hero
    ABC Gum
    Anywhere I can drink
    Other, please explain:

Survey Questions

What led you to this application?
Google
Yahoo
Friend
You did, silly!
Stumbled upon it by accident
Avoiding real work
I was bored
I was forced against my will by a bunch of ninjas
I was forced against my will by a bunch of ninjas trained in the "Hamster Style" of Kung-Fu

Congratulations! You've completed the application. Feel free to include any additional comments below and click the button to submit your application to me for review!

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, criminal history, driving record, job history, and current health record/medical report from your physician. LOL

Name:__________________________________________

Date of Birth: ____________________________________

Height: _____________ Weight: _____________________

IQ: ________ Social Security Number: ________________

Drivers License Number: ___________________________

Home Address: ___________________________________

Do you own a van? _________

A truck with oversized tires? ________

A waterbed? ________

A pick up with a mattress in the back? ______

Do you have an eyebrow, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______

A tattoo on your neck? ________

Do you have a mullet? ________

NOTE: If you answered yes to any of the last 7 questions, You MAY still have a shot. LOL Answer correctly and you're through to the next round!

How many times have you been married? _____________________

How many times have you been divorced? _______________________

Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend or wife? ______________________

When going on a date, who should pay? _________________________________

Have you ever been accused or convicted of stalking? ______________________

If I tell you to drop dead today will you continue to contact me? ______________

Do you know how to cook? __________________

What is your relationship like with your mother? _____________________
(you shouldn’t need ANY more space than that for this answer)

Do you own a dog? _______________

What is your definition of an alcoholic? ____________________________

Do you like kids?___________________

Do you have kids? ____________________

Do you pay child support? _______ How much? ___________

Have you ever been late on your child support payments? ________

How much baggage do you carry?___________

Are you able to fix my car?____________

Do you own a home?____________Have you ever been late on your mortgage?_________

What kind of vehicle do you drive? ___________

Do you have a car payment? __________ How much is it? ____________

Do you know the difference between the dinner fork and the salad fork? __________

In 50 words or less what does “LATE” mean to you? ______________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “STALKING” mean to you?__________________________________________________

In 50 words or less what does “GOING ON A DATE” mean to you?


Signature:____________________________________________

Your signature indicates that all answers are TRUE. If you are found falsifying answers and/or documents you will be sent hunting with Cheney.

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please DO NOT call or write during the processing time.

 

This is an Application to Sex Me..... 1% passes this one. LOL

01. Would you be in control?
02. Would you pull my hair?
03. Would you whisper in my ear?
04. Would you talk dirty to me?
05. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?
06. Would you say my name?
07. Would you go down on me?
08. Would you let me give you a hickie?
09. How many rounds would we go? (Important....I am like the energy bunny)
10. What would you wanna do afterwards? (See Question 9)
11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?
12. Would you lick and bite me all over?
13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?
14. Would you want me to take my time?
15. How freaky are you, 1 - 10? (The higher the better)
16. Would you want me to go fast or slow?
17. Where would you wanna “do it”?
18. Would you be loud or quiet?
19. Would you mind if i licked you?
20. Would you date me? (optional, unless your an equivalent )
21. Would you do it today?
22. Would you do it tomorrow?
23. Would you like my family?
24. Are you between 21-45?
25 Are u a head fuck?
26 Do you have issues?
27. Are u miles away from me?
28. Would You Take Me Out To Dinner?
29. Are you good in bed?
30. How can you please me?

Now after that good laugh, I am just gonna concentrate on spicing up my blog. Tomorrow is Hump Day :-)