Love is:
(a) champagne and high heels
(b) a passionate, china-shattering fight, followed by an all-night tango
(c) a constant, nagging feeling of insecurity
(d) none of the above
I will say I am a love connoisseur, in that I am intrigued by it, a little afraid of it, biased by it and lived it. I have sought after "the one" to reveal that there is no "one" man out there for me. I feel sorry for people who follow the programmed prescription in seeking "the one" and living happily ever after, as this doesn't exist. It's Fairyland or in our house, LaLa Land.
I'm starting to rebel against almost everything I see, hear or read about love. Every story insults my experience of love. Every story offers a ridiculous scenario that results in me thinking there is a guy out there that is so full of romance, cooks, cleans and massages, cleans my snow covered car windows. There is always a scenario with the tragic twist such as love, obstacle, separation, and loss. Like Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde or Love Story or the fairy-tale scenario version that starts with love, then obstacle, triumph and happily ever after like Cinderella or LaLa Land romance. The obstacles, though, provide the conflicting dreams and dramatic tension. In our culture today, it glorifies passionate, romantic love. Our friends are in love, we dream of it, or we daydream of it, we wait for it, and date people to fall into it. We are inspired by it, motivated by it and we are obsessed with it. We believe that love can be found, here and now and forever, in an instant, across a crowded room, or tomorrow, just around the corner. BLAH!!!!!!!
Well, I am NOT saying that these scenarios can't happen. But leaning toward the reality of love, romance is more fleeting and more dangerous than we are told, more complicated than we could have imagined, more elusive than we've ever been led to believe. Love is a promise made every day only to be broken tomorrow. The fact that we say "love" when we mean "romance" and vise versa, shows us that underneath our language there is a gross psychological misinterpretation in society. We are confusing two great psychological systems within us, and this has a devastating effect on our lives and relationships. I know, I have often confused the two myself. Right now, I want ROMANCE, NOT LOVE!!! They are two very different things.
Everyone says they need LOVE, not romance, or they seek love, and need it, that love enriches life and has the potential to make us happy. That's the story they tell us growing up to give us something to dream about, and strive for. It's a conspiracy to mislead us into believing life is perfect and love solves all our problems. Every kid grows up in a fake world. This is why I am where I am today. Too much Disney and not enough reality. (Even though my parents fought constantly/daily, I was "told" that this is not the normal way to behave) Which maybe is a blessing since I am such a peaceful person now.
You know what also gets me pissed. Is when women refer to getting married as settling/settling down to accept a more stable relationship and that they "compromise" for a mate who is flesh and blood, not the prince charming they imagined. If we care enough to look at what those who have thought deeply about love has written, we would learn that romance is transformational but never lasting. Social Scientists suggest that "romance" lasts 18 months to three years. (Isolde's love potion worked for three years before it wore off) Sexual union is only ONE expression of transcendent passion and human connection. Although the CHEMISTRY of connection can occur in an instant, the passage of time, along with friendship and respect, is a crucial element of grown-up love. Maybe that is why most of my relationships lasted under three years and my marriage, it started out passionate, but fizzled very fast.
So, does that mean that people aren't meant to be together forever? Possibly. They say males roam after awhile not just because of boredom, but inbred in them a desire to spread their seed to procreate, it's a strong drive force that was somehow suppressed over the centuries by society as life has become more about quality of life over quantity. Men, being logical thinkers as they are, have accepted this transition, however, they have had trouble with the reality it poses, specifically suppressing the natural drive to spread their seed. Let's take a look at the sexual anatomy of men versus women. Men are equipped with a penis and testicles which produce millions of sperm. All these sperm are candidates to become human life. Women are equipped with a vagina and ovaries which produce ONE egg each month. In the event a woman becomes pregnant, her ability to procreate additional offspring is delayed for 10 plus months. Get what I am trying to say here?
So I will end this by saying that I'm an equal opportunity lover. I know men have needs and so do women. I know that some people believe that love is romance and romance is love, but I know it's two different emotions. I know that I am not looking for love (in all the wrong places LOL) but looking for a little romance and passion to make me feel alive. I may be 38 and people think I am at a point were I need to be settled down and stable, whatever that means. My Aunt told me this today. She told me to stay married that I am not getting any younger. Well, I spent more than half my life married to someone that I THOUGHT was for love but what I really wanted was ROMANCE. (I also was married before this time too) I am not in any hurry to settle down after my divorce. I am not opposed to getting dirrty with someone either. In fact, I am not ashamed to say that I WANT to. I WANT SEX!!! When the time comes, it will happen. Until then, patience is a virtue and THAT'S a WHOLE nutha blog :-)
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