Happy WHAT????

OK, My evening was really scary. John was gone, my parents (Mom) took advantage of that and tried to get me to move back with them, like tomorrow!!! I was bitched at for not going to church on Christmas and the kids and I were forced into confession or face eternal damnation and I will be faced with weeping what I sow and have nothing but pain and unhappiness and a tragedy. Fear, the great motivator I talked about in my previous blog post is rearing it's ugly head at me.

Then, my Mother WANTS to drive to Saylor's Pizza, ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FUCKING STREET!!! Driving 45 in a 25 mph zone screaming at me that she wants her Edge car back that was inherited to me, how my Dad over spends money and how me and my Father "should just be the husband and wife and fuck each other that we are two peas in a pod" I am HIGHLY offended. I think she went crazy today and they need to up her meds again after decreasing them. So my parents fought the rest of the evening and they went to bed, in opposite rooms on recliners, didn't ring in the New Year. I, however, opened up a nice big bottle of cheap Arbor Mist Pear flavor and drank it and wishing I was with someone holding me tightly and eventually slowly having sex and kissing. I want to get laid so bad right now but I am so scared of the pain. It's insane. What the HELL do I want? I feel so discombobulated!!! That's it, the only word I can think of.

Then I am supposed to see MA on Monday and I am afraid to go closer to Coloma, so I am hoping we can watch a movie at his house and then Tuesday go out to Coloma? I will even swear I won't compromise him in any way, shape, or form. I'll be a good girl. I just want to see him again, he makes me happy. My kids like him. My son calls him famous. LOL Cause he is the topic of conversation at our house a lot.

Enough about MA!!! I was really scared today with my Mom and even my Dad. Dad wanted to leave at Midnight cause of the snowstorm. It's crazy, all the fighting and the kids take it in stride like it's normal. THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR!!! Not in my future house. I know there will definately be disagreements, but violence is NEVER an option and even yelling and belittling another person and being serious about it is NEVER right. I am just disappointed that the visit took a sour turn. It was so good up until today. Saw many good movies on DVD. Tonight saw My Idiot Brother. It was OK.

Well, I will NOT let what happened tonight define my 2012!!!! It will be a good year for me and for everyone I come in contact with. I will spoil all my kids, friends and the ones who mean something to me. So, FUCK OFF 2011!!! Hello sexy 2012!!!!! That is not the wine talking!!!
XOXO