Yes, you guessed it! This post is going to be about me finally getting some pleasure. It has been quite a while since I had sex. 10 months to be exact!!! Now, it's not like I haven't pleasured myself, but I don't do it often. Maybe 2-3 times in that 10 months. I am not sure if it's the meds for depression that is surpressing my sex drive or if it's the way I've been treated. My sex with the soon to be ex-husband has NOT been fulfilling. I'd have to initiate it, and then he wouldn't touch me down there, I'd have to blow him till he was ready to do it, and then it was get on your knees, my face in the pillow. I haven't had missionary, face to face sex in ???? years. But we're averageing about 3 times a year in the last 5 years. Oh and NOOOOOO kissing, at all!!!! It was considered a wifely duty to have sex but he never wanted me to call it that, he'd get mad at me. Now, when he asked for a blow job, good ole me was the one to provide it, with no sexual release for me. The only boost of confidence I ever got in the bedroom from him was that I'm the best at it, and several people have told me that over the years. Maybe too much practice????? I don't sleep around mind you. (Just 1 lover who don't come around in a year)
So, today, I want to talk about vibrators. I am in the market to buy a good one, (or two) I have some I bought a long time ago. They are in boxes since the move back in 2008 and well, I am disgusted to say, my kids found them and wondered what they were for. LOL Now I will NEVER use them and to be honest, I don't even know which boxes they found them in, I won't ask and hopefully they've forgotten. Plus, don't them things have an expiration date on them. How many self screws can you get off them things?
I am looking to get a Trojan Brand vibrator. Since, I've been using my hands, maybe getting that Vibrating Ring would work, it's like having vibrating fingers. I'd also like to get the Trojan Vibrating Tri-Phoria. I looked into the Rabbit as in Sex and the City mentions, but it looks scary and I don't want anything too large cause I think my Hooha has shrunk and after my surgery, it's gonna be even smaller. I may be a virgin again. LOL My doctor already told me the first few sex sessions will hurt or at least be uncomfortable after I have this surgery. So if I get a lover, he MUST be gentle. I'm afraid I'll rip. So, maybe I will just stick to the Vibrating Ring for now and get all the Cliterol stimulation to reach my big O.
Lately I've been feeling a bit frisky. I've been interested in someone, let's call him Mr. Adorable, or MA, and he is so kind and gentle. We went to the movies together and we held hands, our hands fit so well together and his touch kinda stole my breathe away because he has so much of that chemical energy pouring through him. When I first saw him, I felt that energy and thought to myself, I want to at least be friends with him, just to be near him, cause he's like an enigma to me, very puzzling, very mysterious, our chemisty is like Nitroglycerin. I feel it every time I am near him. That spark. BOOM! If he ever kissed me, I'd pass out, I just know it, because I couldn't handle the constant heart pounding, it's sick!!!! A few times when I was near him I thought I was having angina or the start of a heart attack. My heart was pounding out of my chest! The only other person who has been able to achieve that was Romeo. But, I can't remember it being this strong, but I am sure it was with Romeo. But he is not ready to be in a relationship, not even a fling, so I respect that and will stay by his side. Because he is worth it and just being near him is plenty worth it. I hope to slowly break down his shell he's got himself deep into, but I won't rush it. He reminds me of a cute little chipmuck in the forest. You come up to it with a handful of nuts and he looks at you interested but fearful of you, so he moves forward some with your hand gently out offering the nourishment and he then backs away. But yet, he hesitates alittle not sure if I'm a threat or not and still not sure whether to take my nuts and obtain nourishment. So I just put the nuts down by the tree and walk slowly back, away from his space, to see what he'll do. He eventually goes to eat the nuts, and will look at me, and me not knowing if he thinks I'm the one that provided the nuts. So I try to go back over to pet him and he runs away and leaves what's left of the nuts. He thought it was a trap, which makes me sad. All I wanted to do was show kindness and comfort but I'm not to be trusted yet. Well, that's OK for now, MA will learn to trust me. Actions speak louder than words and I accept that challenge. He will always be my friend, and hopefully one day, it will be more than that.
So, until then, I am off to purchase some much needed vibrators. As I said, I really like the Trojan Brand of Vibrators and NO, I am not getting any kickback from Trojan mentioning them in my blog. I am just looking for a safe clean way to pleasure myself. It's time to start cultivating my grass again.
Anya
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