There is nothing of "Splendor" to talk about right now. I hit that 5 day after surgery slump where you still feel bad and then on top of it, really depressed!!!!! I feel like I have nobody. My soon to be ex is being a bastard to me and my children. They are aching for me to get better to "save" them. (No they are not being beat, just verbal abuse and nastiness) My new friend, MA, is MIA and I understand he has needs and with me out of the picture, well, I'm just forgotten. None of my group friends wrote me yet, I even sent self addressed stamped envelops and frickin' paper for crying out loud. So , yes, I been crying all last night. I feel like fucking SHIT!!!!! I am ALONE!!!! I feel unloved. Christmas is a week from Sunday.... fuck that shit, I am going on strike against Christmas. I will simply acknowledge that it is Jesus's birthday and honor it internally, but for anything else, it's just another day.
They say that you have to hit rock bottom in order to go back up, or that it gets worse, before it gets better. Is this shit true? Wouldn't hitting rock bottom hurt you or kill you? I suppose that if you "hit rock bottom" and survived, anything would be better.
Today, I hit rock bottom. I cried for at least 5 hours straight, those hot burning tears, then fell asleep for another 5 hours and woke up feeling cleansed, my feelings purged. I hit the bottom and didn't die, not saying I didn't get hurt. Maybe emotionally hurt, drained, but survived and of course, anything and everything is better than that feeling of desperation and morose. I also can't see it getting any worse before it getting better. I mean, come on. 5 hours wasn't good enough. No, I think I am hanging in there and that it's going to get better now. I am still in a lot of physical pain, and I know THAT will get better, but I am sad. I am willing it to get better now. It has to.
I learned another chapter in the "What's the Meaning of Life" It was hard, and today was my test, my final exam. I learned that no matter how hard life gets thrown at you, you have to be ready to catch it and take it, even if it's a rock, you need to mold it into something you can use. It's a bit nicer throwing lemons at me, cause I can at least make lemonaid. And after a night/day like today, I'm frickin parched, and I could totally use that damn lemon, it's better than a rock......
Anya
They say that you have to hit rock bottom in order to go back up, or that it gets worse, before it gets better. Is this shit true? Wouldn't hitting rock bottom hurt you or kill you? I suppose that if you "hit rock bottom" and survived, anything would be better.
Today, I hit rock bottom. I cried for at least 5 hours straight, those hot burning tears, then fell asleep for another 5 hours and woke up feeling cleansed, my feelings purged. I hit the bottom and didn't die, not saying I didn't get hurt. Maybe emotionally hurt, drained, but survived and of course, anything and everything is better than that feeling of desperation and morose. I also can't see it getting any worse before it getting better. I mean, come on. 5 hours wasn't good enough. No, I think I am hanging in there and that it's going to get better now. I am still in a lot of physical pain, and I know THAT will get better, but I am sad. I am willing it to get better now. It has to.
I learned another chapter in the "What's the Meaning of Life" It was hard, and today was my test, my final exam. I learned that no matter how hard life gets thrown at you, you have to be ready to catch it and take it, even if it's a rock, you need to mold it into something you can use. It's a bit nicer throwing lemons at me, cause I can at least make lemonaid. And after a night/day like today, I'm frickin parched, and I could totally use that damn lemon, it's better than a rock......
Anya
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