I'm BAAACK!!! OK, this is the scoop! I REMOVED the damaging stuff and pictures. No more personal pictures will be placed on my blog. No more cutting (which I have overcome and am proud of it). If I happened to feel suicidal, I will call the 1-800-number and/or call my therapist. If I write about it, it doesn't mean I am going to kill myself, unless it says, "I'm going to kill myself" and I can tell you, my dear readers I WILL NOT KILL MYSELF!!!!
First of all, this is an ANONYMOUS BLOG, and some people, hacked into my blog and then reported me. They thought they were helping, but really, it was a ploy to get certain things from me, almost like extortion. I can talk about this now, because my CPS case is CLOSED!!! I also looked into my rights and whether I have to REALLY delete my awesome blog and NO, I DO NOT!!!! I have legal rights, People!!! FREEDOM OF SPEECH REALLY DOES EXIST!!!!
Although, I posted scary pictures of my cutting, that will not be done again. Even though it IS freedom of speech, I will not post such pictures. The fact that this is an anonymous blog, I should have known better. But some people are truly wolves in sheeps clothing and prey on people who are going through tough times to get what they want. Some people are cohorced into doing things against their own loved ones because someone else said to do it. I know I have an enemy in D#1's BF. But, I am FORGIVING HIM. Because it takes a real person to forgive, and you obtain freedom from the chains of anger. It ties you down. Hatred is like burning your own house down to get rid of the rat. I will not do that. I will be the stronger person and I will forgive. If my daughter wants to come back home, she is welcome to. If she wants to visit, with her boyfriend or fiance, she can. Doors are ALWAYS open, even though I signed guardian papers to some one else. She WILL ALWAYS BE MY DAUGHTER, and that is why I am paying her once of month until she is 18. After she is 18, and if she needs help, I will NOT turn my back on her.
Right now, I am getting a pretty raw deal. I am being disrespected and hurt. But you don't see this woman cutting or burying my head. I went and ASKED people about my rights. I love blogging. The last month without blogging was painful. But I got a lot of soul searching and exercising in. I now weigh in at 137.9 (from doctor's office) I am VERY proud of my active lifestyle and even banning 4 hoved foods. I will eat fish and chicken or turkey but if it got 4 legs, I don't eat it. I feel 100% better because of it. Maybe I will venture out into being a true 100% vegan, but baby steps, remember.
I haven't been going on FB as much either. I know I have to update a lot of people on the good news. I am also standing up for myself.
I know I was a GOOD MOTHER!!! Maybe she wants to just remember the bad times and in every family, there are bad times, but I choose to remember the good times. She may be angry now and I will validate that. I may not have any rights to her and can't see her, but in my heart I see her and how it used to be.
I done the best I can for her and all my children. I sacrificed a lot, and drove them, all of them around, and done things no respecting parent would allow to go on in this house. I want to thank my daughter and her BF/fiance!!! Because they laid the ground rules for the other 3 children. I am watching the warning signs, I am being stricter, and I learned a new word. OMG!!! Wanna hear it? It's short! it's called NO!!!!! Yeah, they all may get upset with me for saying no to them now, but they aren't as mad as I THOUGHT they'd be. I got a better handle on my children. What a lesson my oldest daughter and her lovely BF/Fiance have given me. I needed a good swift kick in the ass to get my head on right. I love my kids. They will not be taken away from me. They are staying home with me, where they have unconditional love, shelter, food, clothes, and all the freedoms proper children THEIR AGE get. If they don't like it, they can always go the route of daughter #1. But each expressed they didn't want to end up like that, that they would miss me. I wish my daughter #1 would miss me, but in time, when she grows up to get married and have her own children and then she will know what it's like to raise children and how hurt you'd become when you are disrespected after all you've done for them. But that is OK, because each is a life lesson.
So, I will leave you with this, and a positive GOOD NIGHT!!! I am BACK on my blog. I love my blog and you will all know the happenings here and how I handle them. You will be happy and elated to know, to know I am handling my life in a mature, adult way. I grew up! It feels good to be 39 years old. Not scary at all.
Until then......
Anya
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