Splendor Me Not

This blog is supposed to be about my Splendor and Sexuality and of course, about my day to day life and how I am coping with being a single parent and illness. I can tell you, I am failing at it, greatly.

I am overwelmed. Without the help from my ex-husband, I am sinking and sinking quick. It's like I am in the middle of an ocean and I am screaming for a life savor device and someone throws over a Life Savor candy. Ya, like that is gonna help. I am drowning.

I just found out my youngest daughter got inherited my autoimmune disease. I have to pay for a specialist for all 3 of my us now. $450.00 in ONE WEEK CO-PAY!!! This has caught me off guard. I am worried like heck here. I receive NO child-support. I try to be friends with the ex, and he won't have any of it. He has filed income taxes claiming me for last year when part of the year I wasn't even in the house, nor the girls. He elecronically signed for me too. I never seen half of that. He sold all my stuff at a garage sale, and I seen none of the money, or, half I should say. I get NOTHING from him. It has been this way for almost a year. I was doing fine, until this medical shit happened. I am angry and have every right to me.

Then I have 2 men, one which I want to be with, trying to get with me. One is acting like an immature baby, the other like a perfect gentleman. I don't need this drama!!! I can't stop it. Yes, I am flattered that I am wanted, but also, at the same time, I need to steer 100% clear of immaturity. I will run for the hills, I swear! I can't handle the drama in my life or the complication of telling me, "you WILL marry me" WHAT??? No asking, it's just you WILL marry me. NO, I WON'T!!! I never had anyone propose to me, never on bended knee. The first husband, I proposed to, and and second, I was pregnant and I proposed to as well. I am NOT proposing again. I also am not gonna be made to marry someone either. I will choose when and with who on MY TERMS!!! I just got fresh off of a divorce and also a relationship, I am headed into a new relationship and I am comfortable as it is right now. No pressure. But no, FB is a breeding ground for a plethora of bullshit drama, that I am about to shut the muther fucker down.

I have medical appointments every day for the next 3 weeks. A Barium Swallow scheduled for August 5th at 8:45am. I am nervous as hell and a Colonoscopy scheduled after the results come in from the Barium Swallow test. I have an ENT appointment and surgery on my vocal cords. I am scared. I have to have my breast Calcifications removed. After cancer, once the cancer cells are dead and gone, it leaves calcifications and they are like rocks in my breasts. I am just fed up with doctors. Before I get intimate with someone, I want my health cleared. I am talking to someone right now, and am happy.

So, today, is an overwelming day. I am kinda quiet today. I want to nap once these appointments are all done.

Tomorrow, I will write about the Splendor in Family! That should be intersting. Maybe a long blog?